8/1/07

Since I will be on my own for the next few weeks, I will provide a brief synopsis for those of you whose time is precious. For those of you that have nothing better to do, I will provide more detailed explanations further in the blog as I will have the time to indulge in additional rhetoric. Read at your own risk!!

The synopsis of the last four days:
Not a lot new from Kivorograd. I have been visiting Marisa at the child house for the past few days. She continues to wow me with her aptitude, curiosity and carefree attitude. I really enjoy spending time with her. I get to relearn what a precocious four year is like. She has lots of energy and constantly wants to run around. But I mentioned in my last blog, I am establishing my boundaries and limits with her. I am glad to see her challenge me. At the same time, I am holding her more, reading books, humming to her as my singing will most likely help her develop premature hearing loss. She enjoys that.

In between my time with Marisa at the orphanage, I continue to try to pin down the in country coordinator as to my impending departure date. He told me yesterday he believes he can obtain a passport by this coming Monday or Tuesday. Of course, he mentioned it may cost a little more money to do this. In other words, he is pulling in a favor and the favor will require me to dig into my pocket. As The Wheel Turns. Yes, the wheel needs to be greased and who better than those rich Americans. So if this happens on Monday, then I can head to Kiev with Marisa on Tuesday and visit the American Consulate for her required medical exam and Visa. They may be able to turn this around in a day, but suggest at least two days. If that happens, I can come home on the 9th or 10th. I really hope so. I am so ready to get the h’ out of here.

If I am unable to get the passport early next week, then I may still come back to the US without Marisa. Then I will need to come back later to get her after she receives her passport from Ukraine.

Further Insights and Comments:
The time with Marisa Luda is a precious time, an important step in integrating her into our home back in Boulder. Her history is sketchy at best. We have her birth date and some medical history, but we know little about her emotional and physical background before she went into the child house at two years and three months. Everything I have read says that for every 3 to 4 months spent in an orphanage, their physical, emotional and intellectual development is stymied by about a month. So she has been there for roughly 7 quarters, which means she is behind by about 7 months from a normal child. After spending time with her, I am encouraged. I believe she is on target or maybe ahead intellectually. What she lacks is knowledge. No one has spent individual time reading to her, cuddling her or embracing her strengths and weaknesses. She learns fast. Emotionally, she is sweet as can be and strong willed. She challenges me and when she does not act appropriately, I have to use my deep “Papa” voice to reprimand her. She will stop her behavior and come over with a defensive smile and giggle. Clearly she has learned to use this technique to deflect anger. Because of her curiosity and independence, Molly and I will need to keep a close eye on her in public places. She has lived for two years in the closely monitored and structured environs of the orphanage. Once she is out of here, she will not know of safety, appropriate behavior etc. Because of this, I will spend more time holding her hands and cuddling with her. I also need to strengthen and encourage her willingness and necessity to come to me when I call her.

Physically, she has decent weight and height, in the 25th percentile. We will have plenty of time to nourish this aspect of her development. Her head circumference is also in the normal range.

We talk with Molly and Madison each day. It is so cute; she is all girl in this regard as she takes the cell phone and struts with the phone while talking with them. I have no idea what she is saying, but Madison with a keener ear says Marisa talks in some English phrases to her.

See the Picasa Link for pictures of Marisa on the phone:

http://picasaweb.google.com/Mcubedpictures/MarisaThePhoneGirl

Again, she understands more English all the time, but speaks just a few words. I constantly show her pictures of “Mama” and Madison. She will tease me when she sees these pictures by calling me - Mama, Madison – Papa, Molly – Madison or any combination. Then, she waits for me to tickle her and correct her. She can do this for a good ten minutes. There are a couple other families at the child house and when she sees them she will call them Papa, Mama, Sistera (sister), and family. I think she knows Molly is home with Madison, but I am also pretty sure she lacks the context to understand what this truly means.

Since Molly left, I find myself missing her tremendously. I have more angst about not seeing Madison as well. So some times, my spirits wane. I had an interesting event happen which angered and upset me. Last Saturday, I was playing with Marisa in the gym room. There is little wood platform with a short slide on one side and steps on the other. This homemade contraption lacks any of the safety features we expect in America. In addition, the craftsmanship and design lacked any real forte. So as I had done for countless times, I was chasing Marisa up the steps, down the slide and then give her a big hug. This little foray was entertaining for both of us. However, on my last trip around, my daunting weight cracked the supports for the platform and down it came. So I moved it so no one could get hurt. I picked up Marisa and went down to the office and had the lady follow me back to the gym room. I told her in English I broke the platform. Of course, she understood it was damaged, but I doubt she understood that I was taking responsibility for the damage.

See the link of the gym room and platform:

http://picasaweb.google.com/Mcubedpictures/GymRoom

So, on this past Monday morning, I show up at my usual time, 10:00 am and they take me up to the music room. Normally, they would bring Marisa into the room and we would interact for about an hour and a half. However, 30 minutes go by and no Marisa. After waiting until 11:20, I start to pack up my stuff. I am feeling great angst. Is she sick? Did something bad happen to her? What is going on? As I am ready to go out to meet the taxi, I am intercepted by the stylish and pretty woman who I believe is the Directors secretary. She shoos me into the director’s office, has me sit in a chair much too small for any average adult, and tells me to wait. She also says I need to call Kirill, my translator, and get him on the phone. For those who have known me well, know that for twelve impious years (my choice), I attended a Catholic school. Again, those who knew me well also knew I was not the best behaved altar boy in the school. In fact, I became very proficient in writing with two hands on the school chalkboard, “I will not put earthworms on the overhead projector”. I believe having to write this a 1000 times along with the other nefarious chalkboard incidents contributed to my poor handwriting! So anyway, I had my share of incidents with the nuns and teachers while in school. While most of the time they were justified in their reprimand, there were several times when I was singled out unfairly. All in all it was a wash. When I was incorrectly chastised however, I remember how angry I got, how unfair this whole incident was to me. It was just not right!!

Well, here I am in the Directors office, sitting in my little chair. The room felt like a principal’s office with the big desk littered with papers and walls peppered with religious memorabilia. I sheepishly sat there and listened to her scold me for breaking the platform. Suddenly, I jettisoned back to 5th grade. Poor Kirill had to translate this to me through the phone. She also tells me that Kirill will need to come with me on all the rest of the visits with Marisa. I so appreciate Kirill and how helpful he is and has been while in Kivorograd. But I did not need him with me at the orphanage. I am trying to build a bond with Marisa and Kirill just by his presence weakens the melding process. Plus, he is working on his PhD and translates English articles to Russian on high tech stuff for a Russian magazine. So he is busy. The last thing I wanted was the guilt I felt for taking time away from his dissertation and job because I was being punished for a mistake I took ownership for with the director. I put my seething smile on which fooled no one including me. I was livid. I headed out of the orphanage angry, distraught and forlorn.

So the taxi picks Kirill and me up in the afternoon and we go to the orphanage to meet with the head nun, I mean Director. We had an appointment at 3:30 pm. She is not there. So I go into another room and wait. After 15 minutes, she returns. So at this point, I am ready to do battle, but also understand fully I am in a very inferior position. I am in a foreign country with strange customs, different language and no control. So I sit in my too small chair with Kirill next to me. She starts again. I feel I am being chided for my mistake. I say I am sorry. Still no repose from her. I explain I broke the platform by mistake….. and I will pay for it. I am not sure if I have ever seen such a dashing emotional change - anger to solacement in no time. Finally, I found her ear. I said what she needed to hear. Money, cash, the US Dollar, the universal understanding. Suddenly, her demeanor softens. I ask how much? $50 USD. Fine I say and hand her $20 to cover the materials. A smile ekes forth from her previously pursed face. Then, we start to talk about incidental things. I tell I want to buy the orphanage a tricycle as the other four they have are pre WWII vintage and barely roll anymore.

See link of pictures of tricycles:

http://picasaweb.google.com/Mcubedpictures/Tricycles

I was sincere in my gift. She almost started to float away. A nice gesture she says. What she really means is I am willing to spend more money. Suddenly, we are best friends. (Not quite) I believe that if I had whipped out more money, she might have given me the keys to the child house!

So we talk about this and that. After we are done, she says Kirill does not need to come with me. So I was served my punishment and came out relatively unscathed. However, as I was to find over the next few days, I was not to be completely trusted. Now I may sound a little paranoid, but after this incident, I have not been allowed back in the building with Marisa. I am swayed outside which I prefer anyway to get away from the stifling temperatures in the rooms. However, I also noticed that suddenly there are lots of nurses, caretakers and others walking by me much more than before. I catch them watching me and they sheepishly look away. So I guess I have been labeled someone to watch. Now it is getting kind of funny as I will go up to them and say hello. I offer to take their picture. This is working as they slink back into the interior to be replaced by yet another person. I never realized I am so interesting! I guess when you run a place with lots of children, when they misbehave, you tend to remember those children and watch them with a closer scrutiny. So good, back in grade school again!

So that is enough about this. I will continue to hope and pray I can come home with Marisa in a week or so. Take care everyone and thanks for your support.

Michael and Marisa (Marooned in Ukraine)